Letters to a Young Poet

 " A work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity"

"Nobody can counsel and help you, nobody. There is only one single way. Go into yourself. Search for the reason that bids you to create; find out whether it is spreading out its roots in the deepest places of your heart, acknowledge to yourself whether you would have to die if it were denied you to create. This above all - ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: must I create?

...then build your life according to this necessity; your life even into its most indifferent and slightest hour must be a sign of this urge and a testimony to it"  

Letters To a Young Poet is a series of response letters from poet Rainer Maria Rilke to a young aspiring poet on 'surviving as a sensitive observer in a harsh world'. The wonderful thing about this collection is that it touches on not only poetry, but art...not only art, but LIFE: love, gender issues, society and self esteem included. Which makes so much sense. If art imitates life or reflects life...then it is crucial to rediscover how to live and view the world. More importantly, if we are to be artists...then our life should reflect our everyday work. If to make art is the thesis of my life, then everything I do should be an extension of my craft. As a wise professor once said: we GET to do this! and No one can chop that wood, but you!

This has been something since reading this book, that has gotten me into trouble. I wish I had Rilke here to help me out like the person receiving the letters (who was going through the same problems) did, but since I don't...I am asking you, yes you, for help. I have become increasingly more obsessed with art and creating in anyway I can; in ways I am pretty ok at and things I am awful at. I just HAVE to do it. There are nights I can't sleep because I have pent up creative energy that hasn't been released and then I can't stop. While all this seems ok, I am afraid I am going to lose friends because of it. I get too 'intense' or 'exhausting' or a hermit. They say it is ok for a short while, but I become tiring. And I completely understand. But it still frustrates me...and gets terribly lonely. Even when I am with people...I am lonely. Help?

I have looked to Rilke to help me out. "...perhaps we would endure our sadnesses with greater confidence than our joys. For they are the moments when something new has entered into us, something unknown; our feelings grow mute in shy perplexity, everything in us withdraws, a stillness comes, and the new, which no one knows, stands in the midst of it and is silent...

...many signs indicate that the future enters into us in this way in order to transform itself in us long before it happens. And this is why it is so important to be lonely and attentive when one is sad: because the apparently uneventful stark moment at which our future sets foot in us is so much closer to life than that other noisy and fortuitous point of time at which it happens to us as if from the outside. "

" We must assume our existence as broadly as we can in any way we can; everything, even the unheard-of, must be possible in it. That is at bottom the only courage that is demanded of us: to have courage for the most strange, the most singular and the most inexplicable that we may encounter"

There is tremendous love that pours out of Rilke's words and beauty in the way he strings them together into sentences. He doesn't waste a single word. I wish i could give a list of quotes like I normally do, but I would just be retyping the whole book.
The beauty of his work is that you get something new out of every time you pick it up. His work is so dense that it is impossible to get everything out of it the first, second or even third time you read it.
It feels like he is speaking right to you like he knows what you are going through or what you are about to go through. he is encouraging us to go on and do what we were made to do. Artist to Artist, he GETs it...even though there is almost 100 years difference between us. He touches on this in his closing letter " Do not believe that he who seeks to comfort you lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life has much difficulty and sadness...Were it otherwise he would never have been able to find those words."And this is true. There is a short biography that chronicles what Rilke was going through when writing these letters. He had his share of being misunderstood and rejection...that I know we all have felt at some point in our lives.


For all those who are frustrated in their art, lost, content, yearning, seeking, losing, winning, sad, or happy...I HIGHLY recommend buying this book. It is comforting, encouraging, inspiring and less than 100 pages! 

Here is what my copy looks like...so much AWESOME on every page.

"There is here no measuring with time, no year matters, and ten years are nothing. Being an artist means, not reckoning and counting, but ripening like the tree which does not force its sap and stands confident in the storms of spring without the fear that after them may come no summer. It does come. But it comes only to the patient, who are there as though eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly still and wide. I learn it daily, learn it with pain to which i am grateful: patience is everything" 

Clown Summit 2012 (part one)

This past week I had the wonderful opportunity to listen to the 2012 Clown Summit. This was a series of interviews broadcast over the internet. Each day a different clown educator was interviewed. These interviews burst with amazing views on the clown, but it wasn't limited to just the clown. The beautiful thing about each interview was how it would drift from the clown to art in general, theatre in general, or what it is like to LIVE as a human being and how studying the clown opens these doors.

Here is the website for the clown summit: Clown Summit You can purchase the interviews from the week. They are all inspiring. Each person had a passion and love for their work and in educating us on their clown work. I could hear the love they have for this subject pour out of the speakers. It is inspiring and empowering.

I do have a few notes from each speaker. But for the full experience, I HIGHLY suggest purchasing the interviews, they are worth every penny!

WARNING: this entry is fairly lengthy. I will do my best to keep it interesting...but it is about clowns...so how can be anything BUT interesting, right?

p.s. I am going to break it up into two parts!

Sue Morrison 

Sue Morrison was the first clown educator interviewed. Here is a little blurb about her from her website: Sue Morrison

Sue Morrison has been teaching, directing and collaborating on Clown and Bouffon across the globe for more than 20 years. Her students are currently featured in Cirque du Soleil, Slava's Snow Show, Blue Man Group, Second City and on other international stages. Sue trained with Second City and Keith Johnstone and performed improvisation throughout Canada and later became a Second City main stage writer/performer.

On a 'quest to work from her heart', she met Clown through Mask visionary Richard Pochinko, and after working with him for many years, he asked her to be his apprentice. Today, Morrison's unique and powerful work brings together the diverse elements of Native American and European Clowning, Bouffon, le Jeu, and Improvisation, ultimately creating dynamic performance spectacles. Sue has been Artistic Director of the Theatre Resouce Centre since 1993. She has taught at the dell'Arte School of Physical Theatre, and works regularly with the LUME company of Brazil. During the past 3 years, she has been a presenter at International Theatre Conferences in Brazil and Argentina. The Bravo Arts Channel aired 'Burnt Tongue', directed and co-written by Morrison and her work has been the focus of several international documentaries.

Sue collaborated on 'Absence of Magic', which was acclaimed by Time Out NY and the Village Voice. Other recent works in NYC include John Brown theatre's, 'The Bastard American Show', and creator of the popular bouffon, 'Red Bastard'.

GREAT QUOTE: "Clowns are the children of the Thunder Gods"

She said she works from her heart and not her head to be funny and wants to work in a way that feeds her soul. She said that she wants to have a profundity and to have the audience walk away with something. This is one of the reasons, she explained, that she started clowning.

She explained that clowns work for the delight. They are the connectors between the gods and people and they serve a bigger purpose. A clown doesn't have to be stupid. They serve as a release. They break the tension. The show us that everything is sacred and nothing is sacred, because nothing is sacred to the clown. (How beautiful)

ANOTHER GREAT QUOTE: The world is happier after the terror of the storm. 

She said that the gods sent the clowns to learn how to live on the earth and to break the tension from ritual. They are here to allow people to have a release and thus, transforming them. They relate and reflect humanity and help us accept our humanity. The clown is a place you work from, it is not a style. Masks are to be revealed through and not to hide behind. Masks are to help articulate what we cannot express. If it is something coming from you, someone in the audience will feel it and relate to it too...they will put their own personal story. Being able to laugh at ourselves is a moment to moment learning experience. If you are continually dealing with what is happening in the moment...it will transform your piece rather than take you out. Shows are constantly evolving, if you want a show to always be the same, make a film.

YET ANOTHER GREAT QUOTE: Clowns live between thought and action, panic and possibilities, tension and the fact that anything can happen.

We are potentially capable of anything at any moment, let's not limit ourselves.
Clowns remind us of our own limitations by always saying "Yes", by being present and available.
DO NOT TRY TO BE FUNNY. DO NOT LIMIT WHAT THE CLOWN IS SUPPOSED TO DO OR NOT SUPPOSED TO DO.

Clown is important because it allows for everything and DEMANDS EVERYTHING. so, WHY WOULD I NOT WANT TO DO IT?

You need people to love you as your clown [on stage], you are taking them into their lives and their memories and engaging them as individuals. Make people feel like they were seen. In our world of mass marketing people crave to be seen as individuals.

Clown can't stop - it'll stop when people stop.

ADVICE: take the clown work into other work you do. There is a level of accountability with the clown: am I working THROUGH, am I in conversation, DO YOU SEE ME, and I SEE YOU. ARE YOU DOING OR ARE YOU BEING? Build on what feeds you. What do you want to have happen? Keep a committed vision for yourself. Participate in their reality.

A Clown is the silence between the notes in jazz, clown is in Chekov. Clown is in everything.

Book to read: CLOWN THROUGH MASK

Joe Dieffenbacher

Our next clown interviewee! Here is a blurb about him from his website: Joe Dieffenbacher

Joe Dieffenbacher is a former circus clown and elephant jumper, physical comedian and master teacher in the art of Clown, Mask Performance & Design, and Slapstick. He has taught  at the Dell’Arte School in California, Teater Studion in Stockholm, the Belfast Community Circus, and universities in North America and Europe. He is the co-founder of theater company Nakupelle, based in Oxford, England, touring Europe with their original circus and mask-based theater shows.

Our modern culture is cynical and aggressive. Clown engages with the world, is curious about the world, and laughs at things. While stand up comedians point their fingers at the person who falls, the clown is the guy who takes the fall. People recognize their own struggle in the clown and are sympathetic. This is what the world needs now and why clowning is so important. 

He said said that the magical thing about the clown is that you remember the spark, then once you are in the world, you seek to find more magic. You seek to find connection and transformation in the audience and world. You develop a clown consciousness; you are more aware of the universe you live in relating to the world. 

Find the game. Walk out onto the stage and play a game with the audience in any rold. . This is how clown work blends into the world of other areas of theatre. In clown work, anything can happen. However, it is individual to each person. It comes from their sense of play and their struggles. Clowning can include anything. You never know what is going to inspire you, so you MUST always be open. There is a shamanistic element to the clown; the transformation.

Ask yourself: I am growing, but is my work growing?

Book: the Death and Ressurection show.  

Circus Center  (clown conservatory)

Ronlin Forman 

with Joe Krienke & Gabe McKinney  

For those who have been reading my blogs, know about a couple of these guys. They are the brilliant director and professors at Dell'Arte. I spent a month studying under them this summer and they changed my life. I am forever grateful for them. 

If you are interested in reading more words of wisdom from these wonderful artists any of my entries from the summer will be full of pearls. 

Blurbs from the Dell'Arte website:  Dell'Arte Website

Ronlin Foreman joined the full-time faculty of Dell’Arte in 2002 after a 20-year association as a master teacher. His career in theatre began in 1976 and encompasses areas of performance, playwriting, directing and teaching. As a performer, Ronlin has received numerous awards including Alliance for Arts in Education and Solo Artist Fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts. His solo works include Pigeon Show: a Play of Fools; A Happy Fellow; Images; Adagio; Terre a Terre; and Donkeys, Donuts, Feathers and Floats. He has been a featured performer at the Lincoln Center in New York, Washington D.C.’s Kennedy Center, Actor’s Theatre of Louisville and Danceworks of Toronto as well as at numerous national and international movement theatre festivals. Ronlin’s teaching credits include work with graduate programs at the University of Missouri at Kansas City, the University of Tennessee, Memphis State University and the Alabama Shakespeare Festival. Undergraduate teaching positions include residencies at Austin Peay State University, Towsen State University, Dordt College and the University of Ohio. Ronlin also taught at Ringling Bros.Clown College and has conducted workshops and lecture demonstrations extensively both nationally and internationally. In 1991 he was invited to participate in the Playwrights Laboratory at the Sundance Institute. As an author and director of devised works, he has collaborated on many solo and ensemble projects including Fool and Angels for Touchstone Theatre and The Fool of Roseles which received Best Play and Best Director awards from the Memphis Arts Council. Other directing/coaching credits include: The Visit at Washington’s Arena Stage, The House of Bernarda Alba at the Center for Creative Arts APSU, Stravinsky’s A Soldier’s Tale at Touchstone Theatre, and Virtual Reality with K de Calle Theatre Company in Zarragoza, Spain. He is the director of the Dell'Arte Company's 2009 production, Inverted Alba: Fable & Roundelay After Images of Garcia Lorca.  Ronlin has a BFA in Acting/Directing from the University of Southern Mississippi. He trained in Mime and Physical Theatre Styles at The Valley Studio and was trained in Performance/Theatre Dynamics at L’Ecole Jacques Lecoq in Paris, France. 

Joe Krienke has been a member of Dell'Arte's core faculty since 2006 after several years as a guest instructor specializing in acrobatics and clown, and five years as a faculty member in MFA Actor Training Program at University of Missouri at Kansas City. Joe has toured nationally as a clown with the New Pickle Circus, and as a puppeteer with Tears of Joy Theatre. Some of his original works of theatre include: Whatnot!, a hybrid of clown, puppetry, and mask- parts of which were seen at the Here Art Center in New York City; Bluff, a clown play that premiered at Dell'Arte's 2001 Mad River Festival; The Barnabies Five, a clown play featuring an eccentric family of traveling musicians; and most recently, Three Trees, a clown play performed as part of Dell’Arte’s 2010/2011 season. Joe is a Dell'Arte graduate, has trained at the San Francisco School of Circus Arts, and is a certified teacher of the FM Alexander Technique. 

Gabe McKinney: Graduate of Dell'Arte International ('10), Guest Faculty, University of Western Kentucky 

Ronlin started the interview with a little bit of his background and how he came to be in theatre. He said what drew him to theatre was the provacative nature of the deep empty space before the people and filling the space was his great provication. 

He was drawn to the clown because as the clown, no one could call him out on being a 'fake' becuase that was him. 

The benefits of studying clown for the actor is the vulnerability and availability the actor gains. A vulnerability and availability to play directly from a personal place to the audience. The actor is one who takes on the other. An actor is transformable. How I give myself to become this other: wear another mask, change of person and personality, change of center of gravity, change in tempo rhythm.

A clown does not derive from plot or story, it is it's own self and full in it's own self. A clown an active engagement of personal character. 

We cannot know ourselves by ourselves, in society we then discover how we function. We get to know our clown more when they can interact. They are great then self. 

One beautiful new idea Ronlin brought up was a different look at the concept of suspension of disbelief.  His view is an abject rejection of it and that is it is an invitation to believe. What the audience sees is what is happening, but we can move reality into poetic dimensions. (I love how he and the faculty of Dell'Arte turn what we think we believe upside down to bring clarity on a subject. They tear down the old mindset we have and break away the chains we have as the viewpoints instilled in us...only to set before us a new point of view. It is beautiful) 

GREAT QUOTE: The audience should run out of the theatre laughing and screaming saying "I want to be as real as the clowns"

The nature of the imagination: no one creates anything. We find and discover, the creation has already happened. We are to be journey-ers, provokers, inspirer-ers, and discover-ers. To move from solid to spirit. 

People gravitate toward clown because it is an accommodating figure, it is non-threatening. A performer should not be ashamed to be in front of people. Performers hide behind misguided masks: they want to say something, but are ashamed of where they are, afraid of being revealed, afraid of being vulnerable. Fear can be a conduit to show what courage is; shame to show humility. 

The awakening of the clown is similar to that of awakening the conscience mind. When the masks are gone, who are you. 

ANOTHER AMAZING QUOTE: Laughter is a river of living water flowing out of the soul of a person. 

SO MUCH AWESOME! SO, to wrap up this section I have some AMAZING NEWS! Three Trees the AMAZING clown play from Dell'Arte is looking at touring 2014. For those who do not know about it here is a link to a past blog Three Trees explanation I had the wonderful opportunity to see it when I was at Dell'Arte this summer. I HIGHLY suggest looking into booking them, or if you know anyone who has the authority to do such a thing, PLEASE let them know. Or if it is coming to place near you GO SEE IT. It will be one of the best shows you will ever see, I guarantee it. Clowning at its finest. Joe Krienke is one of the clowns (on the far right). If you are interested, here is the website Dell'Arte. It'll help you navigate to where you need to go. Or I can help you as well!

Three Trees 

UR/TA Experience

The past couple weeks have been consumed with thoughts of The UR/TA Auditions. Dun dun dunnnn. For those who do not know what UR/TA is, it is basically a cattle call audition for grad schools.

Here is a better explanation of what they are and purpose they serve taken from their website: UR/TA website


The University/Resident Theatre Association (U/RTA) advances theatre by connecting educational theatre programs with professional theatre and performing arts industries, promoting professional practices and artistic excellence in higher education, and assisting students with their transition into the profession.
U/RTA is the nation's oldest and largest consortium of professional, graduate (MFA) theatre training programs and partnered professional theatre companies. U/RTA provides a variety of services and informational programs to its members, and to non-member students, theatre professionals and producing companies.
Services include the U/RTA auditions (NUA/Is), which assist theatre artists (actors, designers, directors), stage managers and administrators pursuing professional training at graduate programs. The U/RTA Contract Management Program (CMP) is the largest not-for-profit contract management service of its kind in the country.  In addition, U/RTA maintains important agreements with major theatrical unions that provide contracts for use by universities and other institutions in employing professional artists.

Pretty cool, right? There is  a long list of schools that are UR/TA members, but not all grad schools attend this audition either. This is just one of the many ways to be seen by grad schools and to start marketing yourself. One of the coolest things i found about this audition, was that auditions for undergrad programs were also going on. It was awesome to see so many people who are interested in theatre and passionate enough to put themselves through one of the most nerve wrecking three minutes of their lives. Those high schoolers, although none of them knew it, inspired me so much. They inspired me to just keep plugging forward and to BE HAPPY. I just wish I could have inspired some to NOT wear heels because they had a hard time walking in them.

So, here is a brief run down of how the audition process went down. If you have any questions, please email me! If you are at all interested in going through this process, I do not want you to go in blind!

Signing up: The form is online and extremely simple. You have to name a nominator and a coach that you will be working with, name your school, and everything else that would go on a normal application. And then you pay. That's all. I signed up on the last day which was mid-December. Start looking when the Fall Semester starts. There are limited spaces, so look early...I was EXTREMELY LUCKY I received a slot. You will then receive a bunch of emails and a packet of information in the mail from a woman named Sara Falconer who HAS to be a superhero. She was amazing. She is similar to a stage manager who not only coordinates the Chicago audition, but the Los Angeles and New York ones too. There was a mix up on my original application that I emailed her about and she responded almost immediately and fixed it! SuperWoman. The packet you get and emails you recieve are so very helpful too. It lays out the schedule for the week, places you can stay/eat at, and some Do's and Don't's in regards of what monologues to do, whether or not you should sing (very much encouraged NOT to), what to wear, etc. They lay everything out for you.

Pre-Audition: The auditions this year in Chicago were in the Palmer House Hotel. I am not sure if it is there every year or not, but it was a super nice hotel close to Michigan Ave. The people there were nice and tried to be helpful. A few times, I got lost in the labyrinth of the hotel and had to ask a lot of questions...I got a couple blank stares and some people had NO clue WHAT I was talking about, which made for some funny conversations. I always found where I needed to go and had a good chuckle and adrenaline rush along the way! So, my advice: get their early so you have time to explore and find out where you need to go. There is an orientation at 8:30am on the day of your audition. Here they explain EVERYTHING to you. How the day is going to go, more Do's and Don'ts, and where to go to see your results.


Audition: Ok! So, the AUDITION! Here is the thing, there are several rounds to the audition process. The first is the screening audition. You audition in front of two screening judges. These judges decide whether or not you get passed on to the finals. At the finals you audition in front of tier one grad schools. I am still unsure about how they rank the schools....but that's that. You have three minutes to introduce your pieces and perform them. They do cut you off, if you are over. The stage managers I found were all really nice and encouraging. They tell you in the orientation that these judges WANT you to be THE ONE so they are totally on your side from the second you walk in. And I really felt it.

My audition was very quick. As soon as orientation was over, I checked in, they called my name and I performed. That was it and it was perfect. I didn't have time to scare myself or overthink things. It was really nice! You have to do two pieces: one classical piece and a contemporary. I did one from Othello as my classical piece (although you CAN use other classical playwrights, not just Shakespeare) and one from Love Song.

After your audition you are free to go. There are schools all around the hotel. The majority were undergraduate programs, but there were a number of grad schools there too. They had flyers and info packets everywhere. Some of the schools had walk in auditions. You can sign up and audition for them. Some of them cost money though. I spent the time after my audition looking around and auditioning for three different schools. A couple schools worked with me; gave me adjustments, talked through my pieces...or had me sing (woof). Two then had an interview with me, where we talked through my resume, why I wanted to go to grad school, they talked about their programs...and one asked me why I found myself in theatre and why I love it (BOY did he get a passionate earful).

Results: SO...after a day of marathon auditioning, we all gathered together to get our results. We each received a comment sheet where the judges made comments on our audition pieces and other things they saw as well as whether or not we advanced to the finals. If you do not advance, you automatically are registered for the Open Call. Open Call meets the same day as the Finals and gives you the opportunity to audition for many different grad school representatives at once. The finals and open call were held the day after the screening audition.

MY RESULTS

Scramble: So...I MADE IT. However, I was totally unprepared. I didn't have a hotel room, any change of clothes, anything to shower with..it was a mess. But on the happiest day of my life, it didn't matter! After talking to Steve Snyder and my Mom I came up with a plan. I got a room at the hotel the auditions were being held in and made a trip to Walgreens. That night, I ran and ran and ran my monologues, trying to keep the adjustments I was given and comments in mind. 


Finals: ....were terrifying. We had an orientation in the morning again. But this time in a smaller room with far less people...and a lot more eyes. We walked through the space which had a nice stage set up and bunch of chairs. This time after the orientation I had about 3 hours to wait. I walked around the block a bunch of times warming up and running my monologue. I then spent some time in the building playing the ukulele and hanging out with my friend who came for moral support. When I went in to the auditions I felt good. Nervous...and maybe they got the best of me...but I felt like I did what I needed to do and the best I could have in that moment. Most of the people in the finals were older then me and really good, but I hope I at least held my own. 

I talked with a couple schools afterward, passed out headshots/resumes and came home. It was a long two days....and it was hard to believe it was only two days. I have my eyes set on a couple schools...and hopefully they have theirs on me, so now it is just the lovely waiting game.

UR/TA auditions were an amazing experience. Even if the only thing I got out of it was the opportunity to perform several times...THAT in itself made it worth it. Being surrounded by people who are passionate made it worth it. Seeing the different paths that are available to me made it worth it. 


I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support. If anybody has any questions or wants advice on the process and weekend, please shoot me an email. I would love to help you out! 


OH! and UR/TA isn't just for actors, but for designers and stage management as well! 

.....and in the spirit of putting myself out there and trying to get my name and face out in the world.....here is my headshot and resume! Please pass it along to anybody who would like to cast/enroll me! ;@)

Out of Martha's House

It is hard to sum up this book with anything other than "inspirational". Although written about Martha Graham, the founder of Modern Dance, it provides many golden nuggets about art, performance and life.  The book strips away the ego and selfish reasons to do art and reveals the essence, the beauty and simplicity of art and life.

Here are just a few of the treasures within this book:

* Some people when looking at the stage see lights and curtain and a floor used for presenting 'shows'. When I look at a stage, I see the world.

*I know they are. They have had lives of their own and like anything we love we must ask of them, demand of them, and be willing to listen quietly to hear what their reply is and then be willing to give what they ask and demand of us.

*To be attentive enough to hear ourselves speak, sensitive to feel ourselves move to recognize one's self like the old proverb about a stranger at the door, knocking and being told to go away again and again until the man in the house of of desperation or exhaustion or both throws the door open only to recognize himself standing on the other side asking to come in; to battle each day.

*To stand in one place on the stage and to bring the test of the stage to me or just to walk as though one foot's fall would tell all that needed to be told.

*I AM, I LIVE, I AM A BUILDER-DESTROYER. I FIND CONSISTENCY IN CHANGE. I AM ALONE BECAUSE I AM TOO CLOSE TO HUMANITY. I WILL SING WHEN I MOURN SO YOU MAY FEEL HOW I LOVE AND DANCE WHEN I PLOT REVENGE SO YOU WILL SEE HOW TERRIBLE MY LOVE IS. SONGS OF JOY DANCES OF PASSION, THIS IS WHAT YOU MUST KNOW. MOVEMENT OF THE AGES DRAGGED KICKING AND SCREAMING INTO THIS CENTURY TO BE HARNESSED TO HER CHARIOT TO DO BATTLE WITH THE UNKNOWN.

* This work demands you to do more than listen. You must feel. It demands you to do more than see, you must taste. To know what the wind can do what the animal can do and what man is capable of doing is consuming but essential to the work. It's about artists in their own right shouldering the responsibility to discover who a character is rather than waiting ot be told. Being a part of the process of discovery.

* I love to perform a work where there is no exit until the end. But...the performer has to create this feeling for himself like taking hold of a rope at the bottom of the cliff and pulling himself up and over the top. Never letting go for a second an appointment with destiny.


*...And still they do not understand what a performance means to those of us whose performances were limited before we even started like the number of rainbows we will see in a lifetime. When i lose a performance it is gone like someone I should have met but didn't a conversation denied something I might have learned or understood but now never will.

*The animal's scream within me is never heard though it shakes my whole body dear body frail and vulnerable demanding to be strong but crying unable to respond. How long can i continue this masquerade.

*We can dream only so many dreams then we must bring some of them to reality or we stop dreaming or the dreams themselves become false and impotent, no longer as pleasant or passionate vision.

*I am an artist in a world of distraction and disillusionment To dream is to live to remain true to my beliefs, and to continue with faith and inspiration.

*But the works are not ours and never will be, except for the finite time allotted us during performance, and of course, then they are ours like our skin is ours.

* Great works take on lives of their own and have voices that need to be listened to and it's hard for us to listen when we are already demanding that they give something to us before we give our full attention to them. I did not originate many of the roles i perform...They were not comfortable to my body but i wrapped myself around them and by holding on absorbed them to penetrated them and taking the challenge worked to fill and give breath to their shapes.

* I dance for them to understand or see with their intellect I ask that they see my blood, my flesh and when they see that, I will open it so they can see my heart don't ask em to explain the doing.

*Each work is like a mountain unto itself with its own gods and devils. Here, love and hate are not separated by a fine line but are laid one on top of the other like lovers. Sometimes love is on top, much of the time hate is on top, but all of the time they are both there and the product of their union is ocean, wind, desert, plain and mountain of humanity, with with all its terrors and its devastating beauty.  

*My strength is in silence

My life is in the storm

I threw away the compass years ago

The four corners lost their meaning

Forward is my only direction

To simply continue whether inspired or not is the challenge.

Many times the goal is not the finish line but merely to 

put one foot in front of the other. 

When we go until there is no more strength and we continue 

just to continue one foot one hand

one after the other until there is no more artifice

then is when the end becomes the beginning.

*Love is not decorative

it is like nature's elements

nourishing and brutal

love is essential

Angels in America Part Two: Perestroika

11-11-11 solidified its place in history as The Best Day of My Life. It was the day we opened Angels in America Part Two: Perestroika. As dramatic and exaggerated as this may sound...it is true. It was the day all of our hard work, an amazing story and a great work of art was to be shared with the public. Now, I can't think of anything more perfect then that.

The rehearsal process and run of the show was nothing short of amazing. Day after day I would take time to just look around the room and marvel at the vast amount of talent and love that filled the space. Rehearsals were the highlight of my day. Everyday began with hugs, the occasional Tony award and the immersion into group who day in and day out rooted for the successes in each other. This is a rare commodity. Not only did we get along in rehearsals, we all became close friends outside as well. In just a few short months we went from strangers to simple cast mates to best friends. Half of the cast worked on Part One together and already had an established relationship, however, rather than feeling like an outsider to the group, the newbies (I feel like I can speak for all the newbies when I say this) were immediately welcomed...no questions asked.  I found a family in this group...and I hope they found family in me in return. This was not limited to just cast members, but crew as well. We were like a well oiled machine who was working on churning out an excellent product.

The biggest thing I can attribute to this immediate bonding and togetherness was that we all stood behind the story we were telling 110%. We knew we were a part of something bigger then ourselves. We had a job to do everyday: to tell this story in the best, most honest way...and because of this, the day to day B.S. and other things that were fighting to keep us down  physically, mentally, or emotionally just melted away.

Here are some photos!

 
Not only were we proud of each other, we received great reviews as well!

Angels in America - Perestroika

Corn Stock Theatre
November 11-13 & 18-19
By Douglas Okey

“God is dead,” Nietzsche wrote in The Gay Science in 1882.  One hundred years later, Prior Walter discovers that God, in fact, has merely wandered off. 

This celestial factoid is revealed to Prior in the second half of Tony Kushner’s iconic Angels in America.  The latter half of the seven-hour “Gay Fantasia on National Themes,” titled Perestroika, is currently on stage at the Corn Stock Winter Playhouse.  Those who saw the first half, Millennium Approaches, last season will find a satisfying conclusion to the saga.  Others who may be new to the story will have to work a little harder to catch up, but there’s much in director Dani Keil’s production to reward the effort.  

Perestroika picks up pretty much precisely where Millennium Approaches left off.  It is 1986 in New York.  Prior Walter lies sick in his bed with AIDS.  His former partner, Louis Ironson, continues to develop a new relationship with Mormon Republican Joe Pitt, who has left his emotionally unstable wife, Harper.  Joe’s boss, McCarthyite demon Roy Cohn (inspired by the real-life closeted homosexual), slowly dies of AIDS in his hospital bed, attended by nurse and ex-drag queen Belize, while Joe’s Mormon mother, Hannah, fresh off the plane from Salt Lake City, works to bring her son and Harper back together.  

Oh, and there’s the Angel that smashed through the ceiling of Prior’s apartment in the closing image of the first part of the play.  And the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg haunting Roy as he dies.  And figures from a diorama at the Mormon Museum who stroll out of the display to talk to Harper.  And the fascinating, bird-like Principalities of the Earth whom Prior, apparently a Prophet of the Old Testament stripe, encounters when he visits Heaven with the Angel.  No attempt to explain these bizarre elements will fit them neatly into any preconceived idea of drama.  It helps if you don’t ask a lot of questions, or at least ask them later, when you have time to reflect.  

Corn Stock’s production emphasizes the restructuring implied in the title: of society, of politics, of lives, of relationships—of, seemingly, the universe as God created it.  The play finds its fundamental chemistry in the volatile and riveting reactions in the unlikeliest pairings: Verbal jousting between Roy and Belize, played here with fierce intensity by Clark Rians and Eric Gore; socio-political and emotional fencing between Louis and Joe, performed by Andrew Rhodenbaugh and Aaron Hoover; and the surprising and moving spark of affection between Hannah and Prior, in portrayals by Rebecca Frankel Clifton and Jacob Uhlman.  Sarah Tilford has a surprising amount of fun with Harper, while Natalie Patrnchak turns in a dynamic and athletic performance as the Angel.  

Overall, the performances are electrifying.  Clifton, Uhlman, Gore, and Rians shine in their reprisal of roles from last season, while the newer performers slip seamlessly into their parts and inhabit them fully.  The play can confound at times with its multiple levels of reality and the fugue of parallel scenes, but the cast never misses a step.  It is in part a tribute to the design work of Liz Tanner and the direction of Keil that the evening proceeds so smoothly.  If the piece drags at times, it can be attributed to Kushner’s style, which has been described as “overwrought.”  

Theatregoers up to the challenge can see Angels in America: Perestroika at the Corn Stock Winter Playhouse November 13, 18, and 19.  Tickets are $10 for adults and $7 for students and are available by calling 676-2196 or online at www.cornstocktheatre.com

Posted November 16, 2011

We were also mentioned in the PJ Star's Remembering 2011 in Entertainment. 
REMEMBERING 2011 IN ENTERTAINMENT



GRANDPA even came to see the show!

GRANDPA VISITS THE ANGELS CAST

It has been a real honor getting to know and work with a group of talented, loving people. I thank my lucky stars everyday they found me. My life has been so enhanced and changed for the better. They make me strive to become a better person and artist everyday...and for that, I am eternally grateful. 

RAGTIME

CHECK OUT THE ORIGINAL CAST!

AND THERE WAS DISTANT MUSIC SKIPPING A BEAT, SINGING A DREAM...

Sunday October 2nd, 2011 Bradley University closed it's production of Ragtime. This was more than just a show that a group of us worked on, but an experience we all shared. This was evident in the tearful, sniffly last notes we sang in the epilogue. Our director and choreographer paid special attention to the inner workings of the Ensemble. The challenge laid out before us the first day of rehearsal was to be 'the most gracious and generous cast'. In many ways I believe we rose to his challenge. Naturally, we had minor problems throughout the process, but in the end, we achieved our goal.

The story of Ragtime is a hard one to not care about. It has a lot of strong characters and story lines that you are bound to find one to relate to. The themes explored are ones that are still applicable to today...perhaps even more. The ideas of looking past the outward appearance and our own preconceived notions of each other and recognizing that we are all the same, rather than an 'other', empowering one another to achieve our dreams and forgiveness are just a few themes that are explored throughout the show. While there are many sad and heartbreaking moments, the show has a hopeful tone, that one day we will be able to overcome the things that keep us apart.

What touched my heart the most about working on this project was just how much we cared about each other. Many of us did jobs that was outside of what we normally do as actors and backstage crew, and went above and beyond to make sure the show ran smoothly. The more we ran through the show, the more we learned each others pathways and were then able to page a curtain, help with a quick change, grab a prop, or take someone's line if they didn't make an entrance. Not only actors, but design team went the extra mile. I know they met outside of normal rehearsal hours to make sure everything looked and sounded perfect. And more than just picking up where someone needed help, it was done with humility. HOW FREAKING AMAZING IS THAT! Above all, everything that we needed to do to protect and serve the story and our audience, was done. This is the type of theatre that I love and want to work on FOREVER.

The best part of this process was the new friendships that blossomed and the strengthening of old friendships...the artistic empowerment to create and the obsession we all had with this show.

Just like that tune,

Simple and clear,
I've come to hear
New music-
Breaking my heart,
Op'ning a door,
Changing the world!
New music!
I'll
Hear it forevermore!

It was the music
Of something beginning,
An era exploding,
A century spinning
In riches and rags,
And in rhythm and rhyme.
The people called it Ragtime...
Ragtime!

Tommy Rapley, the choreographer and I

Reunion with two members of our Once On this Island cast! Note: OOTI and Ragtime were written by the same people!

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